On Becoming a Gigi...
There is no joy as profound as what I am currently experiencing. Elation, jubilation and the deepest gratitude.
I have had my share of physical challenges through the years. Challenges which made me, as a young mother, re-evaluate life style choices. I wanted to be healthy and physically able to care for my children. Being a mother was a profound experience and a responsibility I took seriously, to a stuffy kind of seriousness. I was THAT mother. I loved, I laughed... but as they say, hindsight is 20/20; I didn't really LIVE! I was so wrapped up in being the best mother I could be... yet missing out on the joy.
Still deeply scarred and burdened from the mental and emotional abuse of my childhood and not realizing the mental messages I had on repeat were broken tapes, I missed out on the lightness and jubilant joy. Fear of failing as a parent, of doing something wrong, of not measuring up... taking on responsibility which wasn't mine to carry. Never realizing there was anything I needed to address because I kept the ugly truth of my thoughts to myself. More on this another time...
All of that to say, being a Gigi is another opportunity for me to embrace life with joy, laugh with abandon, dance and sing like no one is watching, to look life in the eye and say YES! Yes to abundance and adventures! Each breath is another YES! YES! YES!
Reflecting on today, Brantley David's birthday, arriving at 7#11.1 oz. and 21" of pure perfection, I understood the feeling of loved ones passing out cigars, buying a round of drinks, and telling the world of their priceless bundle of joy's arrival! Sitting here, typing this the tears are surfacing yet again, my nose begins to drip and my heart is BEYOND grateful.
Let me explain because I now know, if I have thought it, others have too. I am not alone. It is NOT just me.
This time last year I was in such a deep, dark place of despair. Heartbroken, devastated and exhausted from trying. Trying to carry on. Hurting... wounded and not feeling like I could do this anymore. This... take another breath, live another moment, love again, trust anyone, live authentically or squash my truth because it wasn't socially acceptable. By this point I had already published I Am Priceless, Voices of Victory Over Violence with 8 other dynamic authors. I had been walking in my purpose, making waves and declaring no more silence for years. Yet, here I was ready to walk away from life. Longing for death. My heart's desire was to die in an auto accident or have an incurable and quick cancer. If someone had to leave this world, I was volunteering. I didn't share these thoughts. They, as you can read, were just too dark, too heavy. Yet they were my deepest self imploring me to address the unspoken hurt, to stand up for myself and what I needed. I am a very strong and determined woman. I don't like to be pushy, but I drew a very clear line in the sand, figuratively, on what I needed and what I was unable to tolerate. I spoke up for myself and I continue to improve this skill. Self care with yoga and meditation support my #healingforward journey over depression and anxiety, and the relentless unhealthy mental chatter.
Have you been wondering about the image? Why would I capture supplements, wine and cake together? The Activate keeps my immune system built up so I'm not as likely to spread sick germs to my sweet Brantley. The Luminex helps stabilize my emotional roller coaster, see previous post regarding Crazy Making. The wine glass was a gift from Brantley's mother, my beautiful D-I-L, so it was perfect for toasting to her and Brantley today! And what would a birthday be without dessert? I am celebrating!
This past year has brought me so much love and light. I am privileged and deeply grateful I am here, healthy, strong and exuberant at meeting Brantley. I intend to have fun, embark on adventures and enjoy life. Every time I teach and speak, I live my purpose to enlighten, equip, empower and enrich so my students can live their purpose and embrace life with joy. There is goodness, positive and infectious, and our world is starving for it. Let's share it.
I share my experience, my reality, so you know you are not alone. I hope you 'get up again' 'keep trying' and find the joy which overflows! Life is meant to be enjoyed. You are priceless!